Happy birthday, cloudlessnights!!

*Sniff* My ickle one turns 25 today – and here's me, remembering the time when I used to change her nappies. Man, I feel ancient.

And now that I've embarrassed you in public, sis, let me make it up to you: this is for you, because it's basically your fault.

Title: So You Think You Can Dance
Word count: 1000
Characters: Snape, Filch, the Slytherin kids.
Warnings: Movie canon, obviously. Crack!alert, too.
A/N: When McGonagall gave her "Swans and lions" speech in the GoF movie, cloudlessnights turned to me and whispered: "I'd love to know what Snape is telling the Slytherins right now." Well – here you go…

Professor Snape closed the door with an impatient wave of his wand and turned to the assembled Slytherin students with the trademark scowl on his face.

"Everybody shut up and listen to me. Against my advice, the Headmaster is determined to go through with his plan of a Yule ball. The purpose of this gathering is to prepare you for this unfortunate event to make sure you don't make fools out of yourselves in front of the other Houses and our guests from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang. This preparation is necessary because the Yule ball is first and foremost a dance."

Many of the students exchanged furtive glances at this; finally, it was – unsurprisingly – the Malfoy boy who couldn't keep his mouth shut.

"Professor, why would we need preparation for that? I had my first dancing lesson when I was three!"

"So have all of us," Pansy Parkinson piped up. "You can be sure that everyone in Slytherin has been brought up with the proper standards, professor."

Snape sighed. If things only were so easy...

"I don't doubt that, Miss Parkinson. However, you mustn't forget that the wizarding world is not made up of Slytherins in its entirety, and unfortunately, the other parts have very different ideas about proper wizarding standards. Headmaster Dumbledore is keen on showing our openness to the cultural heritage of the Muggleborn part of the student body..." Snape signalled Filch, who had been lurking in a corner beside the vile Muggle contraption he had brought in earlier, to get the damned thing going.

A few seconds later, the room was filled with ear-splitting noise.

A few of the students shrieked and clapped their hands over their ears; it took a while until Filch seemed to get the meaning of Snape's frantic gesturing and turned down the volume to a level that didn't threaten to make the plaster fall from the ceiling, although the floor was still vibrating slightly.

Snape clenched his jaw, steeling himself against what was to come. He had faced the Dark Lord. He could do this.

"I advise you to watch closely, because I'm only going to demonstrate this once."

He closed his eyes and started to move, concentrating on the rhythm of the beat and steadfastly ignoring the whispering of the students.

"What in Merlin's name is he doing?"

"Is he having some kind of seizure? Look at the way his arms are flailing around!"

"Does anyone know if he's an epileptic? I've heard about it, and it seems..."

"Draco, you're good with potions, can you tell what he has been drinking?"

"Sniffing, rather!"

"Looks more like a mild case of Cruciatus to me..."

"But he's not screaming!"

Snape tuned them out, trying to get into the swing of the music. After the first awkward seconds, it became surprisingly easy; twisting and turning like that, shimmying his hips just so... he attempted a spin and let out a whoop when he actually managed it. The whispering increased all around him.

"So it is Cruciatus."

"That wouldn't explain why he's swaying his butt like that. If he keeps it up, I'm going to be sick."

"I don't know, it looks all right to me."

"That's because you're a bloody poof, Zabini."

"Hello, Mr Pot, I believe you just called me black!"

"Well, you are, aren't you?"

"That was a lame joke even by your standards, Malfoy."

"I can't be witty and brilliant with that in front of me! And what kind of infernal noise is this?"

"Aren't these the Weird Sisters? I think I heard them on the WWN once..."

"I wouldn't know; Father says that this kind of trash is for plebeians and Muggle-lovers. Seems rather dangerous if it gives you seizures, too."

"I really don't think it's seizures, Malfoy. I think he's dancing."

"Are you nuts? What kind of dance is this supposed to be?"

"It's disco." That had been Millicent Bulstrode's voice; unlike her classmates, she sounded neither disgusted nor bewildered, but... awed. Snape stopped in mid-shimmy.

"What were you saying, Miss Bulstrode?"

The girl blushed. "This is what the Muggles call disco, Sir, isn't it? My mother told me about it..." She took a step forward, tentatively swaying her upper body in time with the music. "It's basically just rocking around and shaking to the beat. Like this..."

A hush fell over the students as they watched Millicent's demonstration. It wasn't lost on Snape to which part of her anatomy the eyes of every boy in the room were glued.

"Wow." For someone who so rarely showed any emotion, Goyle sounded deeply impressed. "Look at her!"

"Look at them!" Crabbe supplied, a bit less subtly.

Pansy Parkinson gave an indignant huff. "It can't be that hard if Muggles manage it, can it? Let's see..."

Just a few moments later, Snape was surrounded by a lot of moving bodies, all of them trying – with varying degrees of success – to disco for the first time in their young lives. Some clearly had more talent for it than others; while Blaise Zabini moved to the music as if he'd been doing it for years, Crabbe and Goyle looked like those old elephants at the zoo, gently rocking from one foot to the other as if they were swaying in a non-existent breeze. Draco Malfoy, who probably felt he had something to prove after Zabini's earlier jibe, was grinding against Pansy Parkinson in a positively indecent way, and Theodore Nott was attempting the same with Millicent Bulstrode, only to get elbowed in the guts for his efforts. All things considered, they were doing quite nicely.

With a sigh of profound relief, Snape made his way to the door. He'd leave them at it for twenty minutes and then come back to break up the impromptu party before things got out of hand.

He didn't see any need to tell them that if anyone ever dared to mention what they had just witnessed here, Severus Snape would make them curse the day they were born every single minute of their remaining time at Hogwarts.

It went without saying.